For the first time in, oh, let’s say 20 years, the Spice Girls entertained a crowd of, oh, let’s say maybe ten people with a, oh, let’s say horribly lip-synced concert in Vancouver yesterday. And just so you know, the Vancouver I’m talking about here is the one found in Canada and not the one that doesn’t exist in England. I know it’s pretty easy to make that mistake between the two, especially with the Spice Girls waving around the Union Jack here and not a flag with pancakes on it.

Here’s hoping they were bayoneted to death on their way out. Although knowing the Canadians, I’m pretty sure they just offered them universal healthcare instead.

Does this mean that Heidi Klum is now qualified to fix my sink? [Jordan Is Your Homeboy]

Looks like some of the Spice Girls have been wearing Britney Spears’ old dresses — or as she likes to call them, “napkins”. [The Star Blogger]

It’s been exactly one year since Tom Cruise made his hostage taking official. [Celebrity Nation]

For someone named Lil’ Kim, she sure has a big head. But then I guess she’d have to since she’s got a whole lot of ugly to carry around. [That Grape Juice]

Amy Winehouse is being criticized for glamourizing cocaine by parading around at 80 pounds with missing teeth. [In Case You Didn't Know]

Britney Spears will be spending her Thanksgiving in *snort* Miley Cyrus’ bathroom. [Hollywood Backwash]

Britney Spears has hired a private detective to dig up dirt on her ex-husband K-Fed. Cue the backhoe. [Dlisted]

Did you know that the American Music Awards were on last night? I didn’t, but that’s probably because I was too busy sleeping through “Desperate Housewives” and “Brothers & Sisters”. [Bizzom]

And finally, here’s the one highlight from last night’s American Music Awards. If you find yourself still watching after the guy trips and falls, then I think I may know why the kids in the school keep beating you up.

From NY Daily News:

Recent data from Nielsen media peg TRL’s viewership at 393,000, down from almost 600,000 in 2001.

The rotating cast of veejays who present the live show, which launched in 1998, includes Nick Lachey’s galpal Vanessa Minnillo, Damien Fahey and Susie Castillo. Last Thursday, under-performing MTV president Michael Wolf abruptly left his job, although he said the decision to do so was his.

An MTV rep did not comment.

Well, that explains why VJ Vanessa Minnillo has started to dress like a French tart on the show now [see the eye-popping, nipple-poking, erection-making photographs below]. Anything to get those teenage boys to spend more of their masturbatory time on her show instead of Oprah’s.

Although to be honest, she could have always dressed like that and I’m just oblivious to it because I’ve only seen the show maybe twice. Usually because I’m still trying to sleep off last night’s bender and hate waking up before the sun goes down. [Why our government hasn’t tried to shoot down something so annoyingly bright and cheerful yet, I’ll never know.]

The beauty of this whole story though is that MTV only has itself to blame for losing its audience. After all, if there’s one station out there that has perpetuated short attention spans, it’s them. Ok, them and porn. But at least with porn, you learn a little something. Like why it’s not always best to leave your girlfriend and your dad alone together or why delivering pizzas may just be a better career choice than college.