Remember last week when we were walking down the street together and you kept asking me why I kept kicking every child I saw in the head? Well, my friend, here’s a perfect example why: a picture of the always-lovely Monica Bellucci and her wonderful cleavage that I can’t currently see because there’s some damn kid in the way. And if that’s not enough for you, then perhaps it’s time to think back to what your wife once looked like before she had all those stretch marks and why you can’t currently afford that new 60″ plasma. Is that the wall I hear you kicking? I thought so. Work on your aim.

Editor’s Note: Okay, before anyone starts sending me e-mails wishing me bodily harm, let me come clean and admit that I was just joking about the kicking children part. I would never do such a thing, especially when my punch is that much harder. Hey, it’s not like they don’t deserve it. Children are just like people, only smaller and easier to kill.