Does this mean that Heidi Klum is now qualified to fix my sink? [Jordan Is Your Homeboy]

Looks like some of the Spice Girls have been wearing Britney Spears’ old dresses — or as she likes to call them, “napkins”. [The Star Blogger]

It’s been exactly one year since Tom Cruise made his hostage taking official. [Celebrity Nation]

For someone named Lil’ Kim, she sure has a big head. But then I guess she’d have to since she’s got a whole lot of ugly to carry around. [That Grape Juice]

Amy Winehouse is being criticized for glamourizing cocaine by parading around at 80 pounds with missing teeth. [In Case You Didn't Know]

Britney Spears will be spending her Thanksgiving in *snort* Miley Cyrus’ bathroom. [Hollywood Backwash]

Britney Spears has hired a private detective to dig up dirt on her ex-husband K-Fed. Cue the backhoe. [Dlisted]

Did you know that the American Music Awards were on last night? I didn’t, but that’s probably because I was too busy sleeping through “Desperate Housewives” and “Brothers & Sisters”. [Bizzom]

And finally, here’s the one highlight from last night’s American Music Awards. If you find yourself still watching after the guy trips and falls, then I think I may know why the kids in the school keep beating you up.

Given her choice of coat and matching scarf, I think it’s safe to assume that Piper Perabo hates herself almost as much as Britney hates soap and well-thought-out decisions. Not only that, but I have also concluded that by posing in front of a wall of repeating posters like this, Piper is purposely trying to assassinate me from afar. In fact, I should probably stop looking at this photograph before I permanently stroke out and the paramedics find me with this dress on again. Oh, the phone numbers I walked away with last time.

Editor’s Note: Yes, I did just use the word “assassinate” instead of “kill” or “murder” in reference to what some may call my paranoid delusions. I am, after all, the ruler of my parent’s basement, and hopefully, maybe even the kitchen one day.

Editor’s Helpful Advice: Did you try looking for your remote between the legs and armpits of Piper here? Because I bet you it’s there. If not, I’m sure you’ll at least come across some loose change or maybe an earring or two.