Faith Hill wants you to know that if you have this uncontrollable urge to punch her in the face when you see her, that she’s totally okay with it and won’t sick her Black Panther buddies on you. [BTW, I Missed]

Does this mean that Heidi Klum is now qualified to fix my sink? [Jordan Is Your Homeboy]

Looks like some of the Spice Girls have been wearing Britney Spears’ old dresses — or as she likes to call them, “napkins”. [The Star Blogger]

It’s been exactly one year since Tom Cruise made his hostage taking official. [Celebrity Nation]

For someone named Lil’ Kim, she sure has a big head. But then I guess she’d have to since she’s got a whole lot of ugly to carry around. [That Grape Juice]

Amy Winehouse is being criticized for glamourizing cocaine by parading around at 80 pounds with missing teeth. [In Case You Didn't Know]

Britney Spears will be spending her Thanksgiving in *snort* Miley Cyrus’ bathroom. [Hollywood Backwash]

Britney Spears has hired a private detective to dig up dirt on her ex-husband K-Fed. Cue the backhoe. [Dlisted]

Did you know that the American Music Awards were on last night? I didn’t, but that’s probably because I was too busy sleeping through “Desperate Housewives” and “Brothers & Sisters”. [Bizzom]

And finally, here’s the one highlight from last night’s American Music Awards. If you find yourself still watching after the guy trips and falls, then I think I may know why the kids in the school keep beating you up.

Given her choice of coat and matching scarf, I think it’s safe to assume that Piper Perabo hates herself almost as much as Britney hates soap and well-thought-out decisions. Not only that, but I have also concluded that by posing in front of a wall of repeating posters like this, Piper is purposely trying to assassinate me from afar. In fact, I should probably stop looking at this photograph before I permanently stroke out and the paramedics find me with this dress on again. Oh, the phone numbers I walked away with last time.

Editor’s Note: Yes, I did just use the word “assassinate” instead of “kill” or “murder” in reference to what some may call my paranoid delusions. I am, after all, the ruler of my parent’s basement, and hopefully, maybe even the kitchen one day.

Editor’s Helpful Advice: Did you try looking for your remote between the legs and armpits of Piper here? Because I bet you it’s there. If not, I’m sure you’ll at least come across some loose change or maybe an earring or two.