Amy Winehouse bears a striking resemblance to that pile of dog shit I stepped in this morning. What, not funny enough for you? The pile of dog shit’s standing behind me right now, isn’t it? [Pop Atlas]

Britney Spears apparently spends close to $5000 a month on fast food, double-lattes, and spit. [The Naked Celebrity]

Shia LeBeouf was arrested over the weekend for trying to grow a mustache without a permit. Let that be a warning to you, Britney. [Celebrity Nation]

According to this picture of Robert Downey Jr., somebody out there is giving away free pizzas with their hair dye. [Popbytes]

If I were Sherlock Holmes, I’d be using my magnifying glass right now to help Hayden Panettiere find her cleavage. [Jordan Is Your Homeboy]

Score one for consistency: Jennifer Hudson is as delusional as she is fat. [That Grape Juice]

Christina Aguilera has finally confirmed her pregnancy and the existence of gravity. Denial masquerading as privacy is fun! [Hollywood Backwash]

Meanwhile, Nancy Grace has finally confirmed that there is no God by having twins this weekend. May Tom Cruise have mercy on us all. [Dlisted]

And finally, here’s Barack Obama on SNL last weekend. That’s Barack Obama — B-A-R-A-C-K – O-B-A-M-A. You know, in case you want to support someone who won’t fuck up the country for a change. Oops, I meant C-O-U-N-T-R-I-E-S.

Avril Lavigne whores it up for her new music video by being herself. [Jordan Is Your Homeboy]

Keira Knightley is currently shooting “The Duchess” in London. No, it’s actually more boring than it sounds. [Pop Atlas]

Britney Spears is obsessed with Princess Diana and her untimely death during World War Vietnam. [Hollywood Backwash]

If Jennifer Hudson ever blew me a kiss, I’d start to salivate at the smell of bacon. It’s delicious! [Dlisted]

Was Vanessa Hudgens fired from Disney because she was naked in those photos or because she wasn’t wearing any mouse ears? [The Naked Celebrity]

So this is the woman who claims that Lindsay Lohan stole her fiance? Damn, she’s lucky she didn’t lose him earlier to an old bag lady or an escaped bear. Bitch is ugly. [The Star Blogger]

Hilary Swank is going to complete her lesbian trifecta by playing Amelia Earhart. [Celebrity Nation]

Nick Nolte still hasn’t named his new baby yet. I’m guessing it’s because he’s been too busy working — on that keg in the basement. A keg named Isabelle. [Celebrity Baby Names]

And finally, here’s Ellen DeGeneres crying about dogs or something. I really don’t know since I prefer to only watch lesbians when they’re naked and kissing each other.

From MSN:

An eyewitness said: “After the rockabilly band finished a song, Vince must have decided that everyone was dying to hear him sing! He suddenly climbed on stage and talked to a band member off to the side, then grabbed the microphone and announced, ‘I’m gonna do an Elvis song!’ Everyone was excited at first since Vince is a celebrity.

“He started singing ‘Little Sister’, but he was off key and seemed to stumble through the lyrics. The regular crowd was not impressed at all. They actually started booing halfway through the song, and when he was through, one guy yelled out, ‘Hey Vince – don’t quit your day job!’ “

I’m sorry, but this story just makes me sad. To think that an entire group of people booed Vince Vaughn off the stage instead of dragging him outside and pummeling him to death in the parking lot is just so heartbreaking.

For the love of god, what will it take for you Los Angelesianists to get the point that Vince Vaughn has a death wish and he wants you guys to take care of it? Those “Fred Claus” commercials air every five minutes for a reason, you know. At this point, I fear poor Vince may try to take matters into his own hands and end up like Owen Wilson. I mean, come on, “You, Me, & Dupree”? You guys really dropped the ball on that one.

Editor’s Note: Feel free to take everything I just said and replace “Vince Vaughn” with “Ben Stiller”. Please.