Hugh Grant — an actor best known for trying not to cry when I beat him up last week* — made a cool $20 million last night after Christie’s auctioned off his Andy Warhol screen print of Elizabeth Taylor to an anonymous buyer (ok, me) for $23.7 million.

*he stole me teddy.

From Telegraph.co.uk:

The 1963 screen print entitled “Liz” (Colored Liz) sold for $23.7million ($11.85 million) to an anonymous buyer, six years after Grant bought it for $3.6 million.

Despite the huge appreciation, the selling price fell below the $25 million to $35 million estimate set by the auction house Christie’s and the work attracted only two bidders.

If reading this story makes you mad, then good. You should be fucking mad. Because while you spent the past six years working your ass off for such glamorous things as food and shelter, Hugh Grant “an actor who’s at least ten years past his prime was sitting around on his ass, napping under an Andy Warhol painting that was appreciating at approximately $9,132 a day. You know, what I make.

So keep those donations coming! Thanks to your support, I’ve almost got that debilitating case of assholetitis beat!

Suckers. I mean, fuckers.

Editor’s Note: Here’s some pictures of Elizabeth Hurley instead of that bastard Hugh Grant. As many of you know, she dated Hugh back in the 90’s while he dated prostitutes and women with noses that didn’t carry the risk of accidentally blinding him one day.

Could someone please explain to me why actress Megan Fox showed up at last night’s Video Music Awards with glitter all over her body? Because as far as I can tell she’s not in the fourth grade nor is she about to work the Strip with the help of a pole. Or maybe she is. What the fuck do I know? I’m too poor to afford glitter.

Precious glitter, one day you will be mine.