Justin Timberlake was a big winner at the Video Music Awards last night, taking home four trophies including one for “Best Male Artist Who Can Grow More Hair On His Neck Than On His Face”.

Editor’s Little Known Fact: Justin Timberlake is part French. How do I know this? See all that hair on his neck? It’s a common trait among the French who have evolved after years of dying on the guillotine. Because as we all know, if the executioner can’t find your neck within thirty seconds, you’re free to go. Thanks, nature!

Hot off his break-up with uberbitch Cameron Diaz, Justin Timberlake spent some time in Las Vegas over the weekend, shooting hoops with former flame Alyssa Milano and Eva “Accept it, I’m everywhere!” Longoria in a $25,000-a-night suite at the Palms’ new Fantasy Tower.

From People:

After his Friday night concert at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, Timberlake, 25, hit the Jet nightclub with his entourage, where he danced with Milano, 34, and chatted with Longoria, 31.

At 4:00 a.m. the whole crew headed to an after-after party at the Palms’ Hardwood Suite in the hotel’s new 347-room Fantasy Tower. The $25,000-a-night, 10,000-square suite features an indoor basketball court, complete with scoreboard and locker room.

(The previous weekend, Timberlake’s ex, Britney Spears, stayed at the Fantasy Tower’s $40,000-a-night, two-story Hugh Hefner Sky Villa with new beau Isaac Cohen.)

“Justin played basketball for quite a while with Eva and Alyssa,” says a source. He and about 100 other revelers “stayed there for a couple hours.”

I may not be the smartest man in the room – which clearly means I’m not in the Oval Office right now – but even I know that it’s usually a lot more fun to play basketball when the people you’re playing with can actually make a lay-up without the aid of a heavy wind and/or stepladder.

At 5’ 2” tall, Alyssa Milano and Eva Longoria are short. So short, in fact, that if Justin Timberlake [at 6’ 1”] was putting together a squad to flush the Vietcong from their tunnels, he’d be off to a really good start and probably walk away with a nice shiny medal and big bag of ears at the end of the day.

On a basketball court though, short people are almost always as useless as white people and short women even more so than that. Which means that if you and your buddy ever go down to the park looking for a challenging pick-up game, you’d be better off choosing Danny De Vito and the ghost of Toulouse-Lautrec as your opponents than any two white women under 5’ 7”. Just remember not to bring your wife / girlfriend / daughter / mother / sister with you or poor Toulouse-Lautrec will want to quit early so he can paint the whores.

A pair of young women approached Justin Timberlake recently after they spotted him in the corner of a Hollywood nightclub, making out with a hot brunette who was not girlfriend Cameron Diaz. Or at least so they thought.

From National Enquirer:

…felt a tug on his belt and turned to find two young babes yelling, “What are you doing?… You’re cheating on Cameron!” Caught off balance, Justin tried to speak – until his dark-tressed hottie stepped into the light and told the shocked young fans: “Hey, girls, thanks for being so protective, but it’s me… Cameron! I had my hair dyed for a movie.” The girls were mortified, but CAMERON DIAZ thought it was hilarious – and reminded Justin: “Remember – my girls are always watching!”

Apparently, Justin Timberlake is a whole lot more understanding than most men in a situation like that. If it was me, I would have simply turned around and given those two women the beating of a lifetime, all without saying a word. But that’s only because I don’t like it when people sneak up behind me and touch my belt. It’s much too important an accessory to be messed around with, especially when I’m wearing my Spiderman Underoos and I’m trying keep my secret identity a secret.