Pretty boy Josh Duhamel was apparently bested Tuesday night after getting in a row with everybody’s favorite scumbag Tommy Lee at the Bella nightclub in Los Angeles. According to witnesses, the slapfest began after Duhamel pounded on the door to the men’s room and yelled “Hurry up!” while Tommy Lee was inside.

From Page Six:

“One of Josh’s friends said, ‘Stop, Tommy’s in there,’ ” reports our spy. “Josh replied, ‘Tommy who? Tommy Lee, who cares?’ Tommy heard that and came out of the bathroom. Words were exchanged and Josh ended up on the floor - I don’t know if he was pushed or punched. Josh bolted outside and called for Tommy to meet him and ‘fight like a man.’ Tommy was restrained and sent out the back door by security. Josh never did get to use the bathroom.”

While I didn’t actually witness this pathetic display of celebrity machismo myself – I was too busy on the other side of the nightclub making Perez Hilton dance for drinks – I am quite certain that Josh Duhamel did not end up on the floor that night because Tommy Lee either pushed or punched him. That, my friends, would have been almost impossible.

First off, Tommy Lee couldn’t push a shopping cart full of feathers and Nicole Richie, much less a guy with that much gel in his hair. As for punching somebody, come on, everyone knows that Tommy Lee only punches defenseless women while they’re sleeping; no way he’d ever raise his fists to someone who could actually beat him until his tattoos screamed.

So the way I see it, there’s really only one explanation for why Josh Duhamel ended up on the floor like that – he was accidentally knocked over by Tommy Lee’s enormous penis.

Cheer up, Josh. It happens to the best of us.

Editor’s Note: None of this would have ever happened if poor Josh had just brought his fiancé/bodyguard Fergie with him. One head butt from her/him and Tommy Lee would have spent the next six months snorting coke through his eyeballs.

Special Note To Josh Duhamel: I can appreciate the whole “come outside and fight like a man” routine, but come on dude, the guy’s got Hepatitis C. You don’t want to be anywhere near him when he opens up. Unless, of course, you’ve got your serial killer gloves on, then please, by all means, beat the piss out of him for us all.