[Jennifer Aniston - Academy Award Presenter & Brad Pitt’s Ashtray - Click To Enlarge]
Why is Jennifer Aniston allowed to present an Oscar at the Academy Awards? Isn’t she primarily a television actress? Sure, she may have made a few films, but most of them have been complete and utter crap. I mean, why not just pay some guy ten bucks to roll out a wheel barrel full of cow manure and dump it onto the stage. I’m sure if the award recipients had a choice, they would rather dig for their statuettes in that pile of shit than to accept them from someone who shows up on television every night opposite “Jeopardy” and “Wheel of Fortune”.
[Jennifer Garner - Academy Award Presenter & Recent Breeder - Click To Enlarge]
I guess I could say that exact same thing about Jennifer Garner, but I won’t since I actually enjoy her television show. In fact, I’m kind of bummed to see “Alias” ending its five year run at the end of this season. While I’m sure you can blame its demise on a number of things, I personally put the blame of Ben Affleck and his inability to keep his dick in his pants. I’ll never understand why actors and actresses have to keep putting their needs [i.e. starting a family] before the needs of me and my television watching. How selfish can you get?
Editor’s Note: You know what, Ben? If I knew you were looking to impregnate someone, I would have simply introduced you to Oprah. Then we would have both gotten what we wanted.
[Ziyi Zhang - Academy Award Presenter & Enjoyer Of Anonymity - Click To Enlarge]
See that creepy-looking woman holding the gold purse behind the lovely Ziyi Zhang? I have it on good authority that Meg Ryan has hired that woman to follow poor Ziyi around until she gets pregnant and has a baby. From there, I think you can figure out the rest.
[Salma Hayek - Academy Award Presenter & Enemy Of The English Language - Click To Enlarge]
In all seriousness, I’ve never found Salma Hayek to be that hot. Probably because she’s the spitting image of my sister and for me to find her hot would just be plain wrong. And I’m not just talking morally or ethically wrong here. I’m talking like really, really, really, really wrong. Like Sean Hannity wrong.
