[Erica Durance - Maxim / October 2007 - Click To Enlarge]

[Kristen Bell - The CW TCA Party / July 2006 - Click To Enlarge]

As you can see from the third photograph, I should have gone with the twenty-pound hem instead of the ten. No wonder they booed me out of sissy fashion school.

[Erica Durance - The CW TCA Party / July 2006 - Click To Enlarge]

Damn that Erica Durance and her clothes-wearing ways. She needs to grow up and learn once and for all that wearing clothes not only makes her look fat, but is also the leading cause of cancer among hot women. Otherwise, she’s just going to continue to wear them and make me cry. And you wouldn’t like me when I cry, Mr. McGee.

[Lauren Graham - The CW TCA Party / July 2006 - Click To Enlarge]

I want to take this opportunity to confess to the world that I am a “Gilmore Girls” fan through and through. Not only have I seen every episode from the past six seasons, but I can also tell you the name of my favorite episode [2×05 - “Nick & Nora / Sid & Nancy”] and what I was wearing the first time I saw it [this cute little chiffon number that made all the boys swoon].

So from one Gilmore fan to another, let me give you one little piece of advice. Avoid the seventh season. It’s only going to piss you off more than the sixth and with Amy Sherman-Palladino now permanently out of the picture, look for character motivation to really contradict what you saw in the past five. But hey, if you don’t want to believe me, then go ahead and tune into the premiere on Sept. 26 anyways. What the hell do I care? Just don’t come crying to me when you find out that Emily and Richard are now holding Friday night orgies instead of dinners and you just threw up on your dog.

Special Note to Lauren Graham: That striped smock you’re wearing - I think you have it on backwards. I believe the long side is supposed to cover your tight Wrangler butt and not the vagina hidden somewhere deep beneath your thighs. Unless, of course, you flap that thing like you flap your big mouth, then yeah, it’s probably best you just keep it covered up then.

[Brittany Daniel - The CW TCA Party / July 2006 - Click To Enlarge]

Who? I’m sorry, babe, but the CW does not stand for “Cocktail Waitress”. For that convention, you’ll want to make a left and follow the stairs down into my basement. Party’s already starting.

Editor’s Note: I’ll take a scotch. Straight up.

[Kristen Bell - The CW TCA Party / July 2006 - Click To Enlarge]

That Veronica Mars sure is a sly one. I thought for sure she was going to get busted for trying to sneak in as Chad Michael Murray’s eight o’clock whore, but lo and behold, here she is, hobnobbing with the stars. I guess next time they should really make sure the guy at the door knows who the hell Paris Hilton is.

And finally, I’d like to thank actress Alexis Bledel for ruining an otherwise perfect threesome for me. I only hope that one day she encounters a photograph of me with Billy Crystal and Chuck Norris, then maybe she’ll know how it feels.