If you’re like me – someone who revels in the misery of others – then you’ve no doubt been enjoying the recent trials and tribulations of Hollywood bad boy Colin Farrell. His problems with alleged stalker Dessarae Bradford and her continuing efforts to make it appear as if he’s the one actually stalking her have been so bloody outlandish of late that it makes my own stalking of Jessica Biel look like a pathetic third-grade crush.

So without further ado, I present to you the newest chapter in the Colin/Dessarae saga. A little chapter I like to call “Delivery from a Dead Man”.

According to Contact Music, Colin Farrell’s alleged stalker Dessarae Bradford hired private investigator Doug Standefer to serve the actor with the same papers she was unable to when she confronted him during a taping of “The Tonight Show”.

From Contact Music:

He handed over the papers at the MIAMI VICE premiere in Hollywood on Thursday night. Standefer claims he conned Farrell into signing the back of the papers before stating, “Colin Farrell, you’ve been served by Desserae Bradford.” The grey-haired private investigator admits it was then that things turned nasty - Farrell hurled abuse at him and his life was threatened.

He tells US TV show ACCESS HOLLYWOOD, “One of his bodyguards or handlers followed me and started screaming at me, telling me that if I ever came to another premiere again, it would be my last outing. “He was a scary guy. He was right in my face - two inches from me.”

Once again, pretty entertaining stuff out of Hollywood. The only problem though is that this whole fiasco – most likely born from a pretty [un]remarkable one night stand between the two – is beginning to involve more than five people and that just shouldn’t be allowed to happen. Because if this thing ever really grows out of control, the entire nation could easily get caught up in it and the next thing you know, mobs of mad black women [without their diaries] will be beating my poor Irish ass on the streets of NY after a verdict comes down in Colin’s favor.

Special Note to P.I. Doug Standefer: I really hope you do a vanity search one day and come across this blog because I think there’s something you should know. You’re a girl.