[Kate Bosworth - The Premiere of “Superman Returns” / June 21, 2006]

Kate Bosworth was definitely the belle of the ball last night given that she was actually in the film and not just there to fuck some cameras like say – oh, I don’t know - Eva Longoria. My only concern though is that she rather reminds me of an early ‘90’s Sharon Stone here. Definitely not something you want with Michael Douglas still alive and looking to relive past glories. Unless, of course, you like having sex with a guy who never takes off his shirt and tie, then sure, go for it, you adulterous whore.

Editor’s Note: If you enlarge any of these photographs, you will see that Kate Bosworth has two different colored eyes. And because I’ve always wanted to call her “glass-eyed Kate”, I’m going to automatically assume that one of them is fake.

[Eva Longoria - The Premiere of “Superman Returns” / June 21, 2006]

Well done, Eva! You’ve successfully pissed me off again. What the hell were you thinking in bringing that green handbag to the premiere like that? Don’t you know that Superman’s only weakness is Kryptonite and it’s most lethal when it’s green? I mean, how would you feel if I walked onto the set of “Desperate Housewives” wearing an INS badge? Oh, you wouldn’t like that, would you? Now get naked and show me what a bad girl you are…

[Michelle Trachtenberg - The Premiere of “Superman Returns” / June 21, 2006]

While poor Michelle Trachtenberg wasn’t actually invited to the premiere, she did get in anyways thanks to the key around her neck. She’s a sneaky one, that Harriet the Spy.

[Anna Paquin - The Premiere of “Superman Returns” / June 21, 2006]

Behold, children - the consequences of smoking. Everything you own turns yellow and ends up smelling like Sean Penn’s mouth. But sometimes, if you’re really lucky, you can turn things into gold too. Just like Anna’s handbag, which appropriately enough matches her newly transformed shoes too.

That’s it, children! Smoke faster! That kind of bling don’t grow on trees!

[Alicia Arden - The Premiere of “Superman Returns” / June 21, 2006]

Oops, I guess only famous people got the memo. How embarrassing.