I see the police have finally taken my advice and begun taking mugshots of whores from farther back. [Diane Kruger Used To Look Much Better]

Teri Hatcher is being sued by a cosmetics company for making it look like their makeup doesn’t work. [In Case You Didn't Know]

Britney Spears was almost replaced on her own music video…by a ten-pound ham. It was later eaten. [Dlisted]

So this is what it’s going to look like when I punch Paris Hilton in the face one day. If only you could photograph applause as well. [Hollywood Snark]

Selma Blair is single again! Who’s Selma Blair! Oh! Thanks! Nevermind then! I’ll be in my study! Reading! [Celebrity Nation]

Considering the size of her ass and the tightness of her dress, I think Beyonce should have gone ahead and skinned that last leprechaun. [Jordan Is Your Homeboy]

Amy Winehouse looks like she just lost her Mommy, who, coincidentally, was holding her stash. [Celebridiot]

If I was Dennis Quaid, people would be on fire right now. Lots and lots of people. [TMZ]

I’m beginning to think Ashley Tisdale got a nose job in an effort to look more like Brittany Murphy. [Hollywood Backwash]

And finally, did you know that nothing predates Jesus? According to Sherri Shepherd and the talking dinosaurs from that era, it’s true.

Justin Timberlake was a big winner at the Video Music Awards last night, taking home four trophies including one for “Best Male Artist Who Can Grow More Hair On His Neck Than On His Face”.

Editor’s Little Known Fact: Justin Timberlake is part French. How do I know this? See all that hair on his neck? It’s a common trait among the French who have evolved after years of dying on the guillotine. Because as we all know, if the executioner can’t find your neck within thirty seconds, you’re free to go. Thanks, nature!

A pair of young women approached Justin Timberlake recently after they spotted him in the corner of a Hollywood nightclub, making out with a hot brunette who was not girlfriend Cameron Diaz. Or at least so they thought.

From National Enquirer:

…felt a tug on his belt and turned to find two young babes yelling, “What are you doing?… You’re cheating on Cameron!” Caught off balance, Justin tried to speak – until his dark-tressed hottie stepped into the light and told the shocked young fans: “Hey, girls, thanks for being so protective, but it’s me… Cameron! I had my hair dyed for a movie.” The girls were mortified, but CAMERON DIAZ thought it was hilarious – and reminded Justin: “Remember – my girls are always watching!”

Apparently, Justin Timberlake is a whole lot more understanding than most men in a situation like that. If it was me, I would have simply turned around and given those two women the beating of a lifetime, all without saying a word. But that’s only because I don’t like it when people sneak up behind me and touch my belt. It’s much too important an accessory to be messed around with, especially when I’m wearing my Spiderman Underoos and I’m trying keep my secret identity a secret.