Now I guess I could go ahead and search throughout the internet for the reason why actress Mena Suvari is currently sporting a haircut usually reserved for creepy middle-aged men who live with their mothers or rape victims who’ve finally had enough, but that would mean actual work and I’m much too drunk this morning for that.

So instead, I’m just going to call Mena a lesbian and urge you all to run before she tries to eat your vagina. Or sell you a lifetime subscription to Butch Weekly.

Editor’s Note: I think more women should dress like this when using their exercise ball. Or at least while taking their morning powerwalks. Think of the money they could make!