Now! [Eva Longoria Still Lives Because You Weren’t Paying Attention]

Nicolas Cage confronts a naked intruder in his home and apologizes to him for making “The Wicker Man”. Hugs ensue. [Celebrity Nation]

Watching Nicole Richie eat this Kit Kat is like watching water carve out a canyon. [Dlisted]

Kid Rock says Pamela Anderson lied about her miscarriage, which means I ended up celebrating that day for nothing. Bitch. [Hollywood Backwash]

Michelle Pffeifer is hot. That is all. [In Case You Didn’t Know]

The last time I saw Brooke Burns in a bikini, I was like, “who the hell is Brooke Burns?” Then I masturbated and all was good. [Jordan Is Your Homeboy]

Brooke Hogan dresses like a cave girl. Duh. [Celebridiot]

Cameron Diaz has a new man in her life and his name is Mr. Low Self-Esteem. Or, as he’s known to his friends, ‘Blind Man’ Pete. [Fundromeda]

I give it one more event like this before Hayden Panettiere bludgeons Kristen Bell to death for stealing her spotlight. [Bizzom]

And finally, here’s Drunky Bonaduce dropping Johnny Fairplay on his head at the Fox Reality Remix Awards last night. How these two assholes ever managed to occupy the same stage without collapsing the known universe, I’ll never know.