As part of my continuing series of people more attractive than you, I’ve decided to post these HDTV caps of actress Paola Turbay from the new CBS show “Cane” [Tuesdays - 10 pm EST.].

If she’s as beautiful as I think she is, then you’re probably about five minutes away from crying into your pillow and cursing the world for being ordinary. If, however, you just went “ewwww” and shivered, then today might be a good day for me to re-evaluate my taste in women and finally move away from that methadone clinic across the street since it appears to be affecting my ability to compare properly.

Now, to be perfectly honest, I know next to nothing about the beautiful woman pictured here other than she’s 36 and from Colombia. But really, what more do we really need to know? I mean, she looks great for her age and she comes from a place filled with coffee, cocaine, and tourist attractions like the Lincoln Memorial and the Washington monument. Just give her a fucking medal already.

Editor’s Note: If you plan on watching “Cane” now, you better make it quick before CBS either cancels the show or Paola’s character starts getting a bit too wide around the hips.

Because you see, the creators of “Cane“, in all their infinite wisdom, decided to take one of the best things about the show and make it pregnant. Which, in turn, leaves me sitting at home, hoping Jimmy Smits gives her a swift push down the stairs into miscarriageville. And then that just makes me look like an asshole.