Here’s me at LAX yesterday trying to convince Kristin Kreuk to trade in that ticket to Vancouver for one that will take her as far away from the production of “Smallville” as possible. Like my hat? I wear it because it makes me look like I’ve just spent most of the day unloading blocks of ice in 1920’s Chicago. Think of it as yet another one of my more subtle tools of persuasion. After all, nothing says, “you know I’m right” more than a hat that says “I’m strong enough to drag your lifeless corpse back to the trunk of my car and keep it on ice as my personal plaything for years to come.”

Another good method of persuasion: hiding your subject’s can of 7-Up underneath the bench they’re sitting on and then telling them that scientists just released a study today saying that drinking 7-Up can make you more beautiful. And act.

Any woman will be putty in your hands. And, if they’re ugly, you’ll be putty in theirs. Ba-dum-bum!