Kim Basinger showed up at some ball in Germany last night looking like a princess who just spent the last thirty years in traffic. But hey, at least she made it. Which is good because I often like to masturbate to old lady arms and there’s been quite a shortage since Brett Somers died.

Editor’s Note: When asked why she was so late, Kim Basinger blamed the long line outside of Studio 54 that was blocking traffic and the mean communist guards that wouldn’t let her into East Berlin.