Evan Rachel Wood? That’s no name for a whore. [Bizzom]

Dita Von Teese lends her pasty body to an ad campaign for animal birth control. You know, because she hates animals. [Popbytes]

Keifer Sutherland gets a DUI for blowing twice the legal limit of .08. Dude, you’re such a fucking disappointment. Next time you get pulled over, it better be a .24 or I’m watching “Heroes”. [City Rag]

Geez Hayden, who the hell taught you to get out of a car like that? The Pope? [Jordan Is Your Homeboy]

Elton John has been accused of having a piece of child pornography in his art collection. Which I guess is infinitely better than being accused of having a Van Gogh in your child pornography collection. Pedophiles don’t take to kindly to that shit. [Hollywood Snark]

Paris Hilton vows to never do Letterman again. The show, not the man. [Dlisted]

Joe Simpson has finally confirmed that his daughter has had plastic surgery. Can you guess which one? Here’s a hint: both of them. [Celebrity Nation]

David Beckham poses nude for Tom Cruise’s favorite magazine. No, not “Playgirl”. The other one. [Celebridiot]

And finally, here’s Britney Spears being bombarded by paparazzi as she uses the public restroom at Quiznos. Or is it Quizno’s. Because I often see advertisements for Quizno’s subs, but everyone I know calls it Quiznos, not Quizno. Do you understand what I’m saying here? Britney Spears is boring.