Too bad Robert De Niro couldn’t save Jodie Foster from her hairdresser. [Jodie Foster Has Big Hair]

Anna Kournikova’s name is a bitch to spell. So, from now on, I will only refer to her as Cleavage Kournikova. [Jordan Is Your Homeboy]

Jeri Ryan is expecting a baby. Abortion is futile. [Celebrity Baby Names Blog]

After his divorce from Reese Witherspoon, Ryan Phillipe would wake up and cry before vomiting. Probably because he could no longer afford the heroin. [Dlisted]

Is this really a picture of a pregnant Christina Aguilera or did somebody just overinflate their blow-up doll? [City Rag]

Demi More has spent over $300,000 on plastic surgery. I, on the other hand, just spent over $30 on this carton of smokes. You tell me which is more foolish. [Hollywood Backwash]

Has Janet Jackson joined Lando Calrissian’s army? [Jesus Hearts Music]

Vanessa Hudgens canceled her Tonight Show appearance today because clothing was mandatory. [In Case You Didn't Know]

I hope Jennifer Lopez looks this good in her autopsy photos next month. Oops. [That Grape Juice]

And finally, here’s the trailer for Martin Scorsese’s “Taxi Driver”. Why? Because it’s the slowest fucking news day on record and Jodie Foster needs to remember what real fashion looks like.