Here’s Jessica Alba at the Toronto Film Festival for the premiere of her new film “Bill”. As you can see, she’s appears to be somewhat distracted — which is completely understandable since I just punched her in the back of the head. Why? Because she’s not wearing a bikini, that’s why. In fact, not only is she not wearing a bikini, but she’s wearing a bloody pantsuit instead. With the sleeves rolled up. Like it’s 1984 and she’s about to give Gordon Gekko a handjob. Sexy? You better believe it — if it was 1984!

Sorry Jessica, but we had a deal. You wear tight bikinis and superhero costumes whenever possible, and we, as the male population, make you a big movie star even though you can’t act. So let that punch be a lesson to you because next time I’ll be forced to use my pimp hand. And you know how I only like to use that for lovemaking.