Here’s another picture of some Hollywood stars in Las Vegas last night for the Video Music Awards. And by “Hollywood stars”, I mean two people most famous for having sex on tape and another who’s famous for knowing two people who’ve had sex on tape. You might know them as porn star Ron Jeremy, Hepatitis C carrier Pamela Anderson, and some guy waiting for a dove to land on his hand. I, on the other hand, like to refer to them as my future chauffer, maid, and coat rack.

I say this because, according to my mother, Ron Jeremy is only about 5’ 6”, and even at that height, he’s only about an inch shorter than the tallest man in this picture. So if this picture is any indication as to the average height of your Hollywood star, I – at only six feet tall – could very well fly out there tomorrow and be ruling the place by dinner time.

My plan? Simply find everyone’s drugs and put them some place high like on top of the refrigerator or something. Five minutes later – instant compliance.

Editor’s Note: I know what you’re thinking – “but what about the stars that don’t use drugs like Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie?” Easy, I just take their birth control instead. Because if there’s one thing Hollywood hates more than you, it’s responsibility.