As promised, here’s Britney Spears performing at the MTV VMA DOA UTI thing tonight. Apparently, stumbling is the new sexy.

Now originally, I did plan on live blogging tonight’s event, but that was before I realized that I haven’t watched MTV since 1995 and have no idea who half these people are. In fact, when I first turned it on, I thought I was mistakenly watching BET or my local news instead.

I mean, whatever happened to all those clean-cut white acts I used to watch as a kid. Where’s Vanilla Ice, or Snow [“A licky boom boom down”], or even the suburban-friendly Coolio? Those guys were the bomb, yo. Instead, I’m sitting here hoping I don’t get shot through the television.

As for the few white people here tonight, what a fucking disappointment they are. While half the guys look like they may burst into tears at any moment [Don't do it, guys - your mascara will run], the other half look as if they might plant a pipe bomb in my locker tomorrow morning. Fucking dodge ball crybabies.

So, with all that being said, I’m still going to go ahead and put up some red carpet photos following this post, and perhaps even comment on the show itself IF something interesting happens. But hey, let’s be realistic here. It’s not like I’m going to be watching the Tonys here.

Editor’s Note: It took much longer to encode this video than I thought, so I’m posting it about an hour after I thought I would. As expected, not much happened during the show and I am now watching PBS instead. They’ve got old photographs with music on!