Why? Because I have a toothache that is slowly driving me mad. Seriously, I wish I was dead already.

Oh yeah, and here’s a picture of Paris Hilton giving her dog herpes at her summer home in Malibu. I wish her dead too.

Editor’s Note: Oh merry day! I’m off to the emergency room because I just saw John Goodman in the mirror.

Editor’s Update: Woo Hoo! Hydrocodone! The party starts —————–> here.

Editor’s High: Woo Hoo! The pain is gone and I no longer want to die. I still, however, want Paris Hilton dead. Hurray for consistency!

Special Note To Todd: You need to continue your education so I can count on a steady supply of this shit.