To make your Monday morning as painful as possible, I’ve decided to post this picture of Elisabeth Hasselbeck at last weekend’s Super Saturday 10 charity sale.

For those of you who are blushing right now or feeling the type of shame only suicide can cure, I regret to inform you that you are, unfortunately, susceptible to the Elisabeth Hasselbeck gaze of judgment and derision. That is to say that you most likely spent your weekend banging someone of the same sex or having an abortion and now she’s making you regret it. You’re such a disappointment.

If, however, you just took one look at this picture and laughed – and really, how could you not – then you, my friend, have a lot in common with me and we should really start hanging out together. Think of all the fun we could have helping the homeless, mingling with minorities, peacefully inspecting countries for WMD, and wearing skirts above the knee. And all while Elisabeth watches us from behind her white picket fence, waving her finger and telling us to “go to confession” before we “burst into flames” because “S-E-X” is “for baby making only” and “that black guy is going to steal your wallet if you’re not careful”.

Editor’s Note: Okay, so maybe this picture isn’t exactly the perfect example of Elisabeth’s gaze of judgment and derision. But that’s probably because it’s much harder for her to be a bitch when she’s stoned.