Kelly Clarkson went shopping for lingerie in LA yesterday. No, wait, I mean Kelly Carlson. Whew, that was a close one. [Kelly Clarkson Is Not Kelly Carlson]

Madonna may have bigger muscles than I do, but that’s only because I’m a little too dependent on my helper monkey at the moment. [The Skinny Website]

Lindsay Lohan wants the world to know that she’s innocent and does not do drugs. I, on the other hand, want the world to know that I am not innocent and often do drugs while piloting my spaceship. One of these statements is false. Go ahead and guess which one. Harder than you thought, huh? [Celebridiot]

Jessica Alba has finally dumped her boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. Probably because he kept eating all the sandwiches. [Bizzom]

Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here comes Britney’s new nervous breakdown. [Jordan Is Your Homeboy]

Courtney Love is going to have more plastic surgery. Hopefully this time they’ll get around to removing her penis. And I think you all know what that means. Penis up for grabs! [Derek Hail]

Something Angelina Jolie is depressed about: the box office flop of her new movie “A Mighty Heart”. Something Angelina Jolie is not depressed about: fucking Brad Pitt on enormous piles of money in the south of France. [In Case You Didn't Know]

Nicole Richie is going to sit down with Diane Sawyer and talk about how her pregnancy helped her with her eating disorder. Mainly, she was afraid of throwing up the fetus. [Celebrity Nation]

It’s nice to know that someone out there hates Julia Stiles as much as I do. She’s just so…so ugly. Even when standing next to Matt Damon. [Dlisted]

And finally, some video footage of Beyonce falling down a set of stairs at a recent concert. I blame beer.