Now this is just disgusting! Who do the Beckhams think they are? Better yet, where do the Beckhams think they are? This isn’t merry ol’ England that there in anymore. There are no alleyways laden with opium dens and disemboweled hookers just around the corner from this little show they put on. Nor do people throw their pots of urine out the window at poor orphans driven to a life of pick pocketing because they have the scabies or rickets. No, this is America, god dammit, and we don’t stand for this kind of perversity.

Just ask Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan. They’ve flashed their vaginas plenty of times in public, and not once did someone try to finger them. Well, ok, maybe Paris Hilton did once, but that’s only because she’s a fucking attention whore with a $5 million dollar bounty on her head. What? You didn’t hear? She’s wanted dead or comatose. Preferably comatose since then we could all gather around and pose her limp body in situations that she might find embarrassing. Like saying no to drugs at a party or having a conversation with black people as equals.

Just remember to wear gloves. Bitch got herpes.