Isn’t Cameron Diaz just beautiful? That smile of hers sure does look a whole lot wider now that Justin Timberlake is no longer in the picture. And do you know what else is wider? Those stairs she’s about to climb. They used to be so thin and narrow before. It was really just an accident waiting to happen.

Editor’s Note: If you’re one of those people who glanced at the headline and immediately thought I meant that Cameron Diaz’s ass was getting wider, then HA! – who’s the bastard now?