According to a well-placed source deep inside Nazi-occupied France, cabaret star Christina Aguilera is expecting her first child.

From Page Six:

“She’s been telling friends,” said one snitch, who revealed, “she has to be three months now, because she’s announcing it.” This would be the first for Aguilera and her husband, Jordan Bratman.

Ok, so this is where I would normally feign interest in the aforementioned story by writing an overly long paragraph built on meandering nonsense and a mountain of bullshit. Yeah, normally, but not today, my friends. Today I am going to make my point through the strict use of visual aids. So, without further adieu, I present to you my point being made through the strict use of visual aids.