This picture boggles my mind. According to my charming sense of male chauvinism, we should not be looking at the smiling faces of these two guys right now. The tops of their heads? Sure. Their pissing profiles as they stare directly into Natasha Henstridge’s bosom? Absolutely. But definitely not this full frontal assault of watchful eyes and goofy grins that are making it damn near impossible for me to shove my hands down my pants right now. Way to kill my sex life, guys.

In fact, in order to make myself feel better about this whole thing, I think I’m going to hunt them both down and beat them until they piss blood or stop smiling – whichever comes first. I think it would be much easier than trying to crop them out of this picture since I suck at both Photoshop and scissors. Also, punching people comes quite naturally for me since I’m both Irish and bitter. And when I say “bitter”, what I really mean is “I don’t have much use for people unless I’m punching them”.

Editor’s Note: For those who don’t know, the guy on the right is Kevin Nealon. He used to be on SNL before doing a few crappy Outer Limits episodes and then my lawn. As for the other guy, I really don’t know who he is, but let’s just say he’s the family friend who used to touch you as child. This way you can start crying and I can go on continuing to be a bastard.