I know what you’re thinking, and no, I did not photoshop Britney’s head onto my body again. Instead, what you’re looking at here is the real Britney Spears from bad wig to fungus-infested toe.

That’s right. For the first time in years, Britney no longer looks as if she quenches her thirst with melted butter or sweet, sweet vegetable oil. She is now, as my grandfather would say, “in the pink”, or, as Britney herself would say, “in prime breeding shape”.

Unfortunately though, the cat, or baby if you will, has been out of the proverbial bag, or vagina, for nearly three years now and the public’s perception of Britney isn’t suddenly going to change overnight thanks to these perfectly planned pictures.

For we, as a weeping nation of sick, selfish masturbators, will never forget that Britney once looked like a guest star on “Roseanne” or an extra from “Romper Stomper”. Those images, from here on out, will forever creep into any sexual fantasy you have concerning the new and improved Britney Spears, leaving you to most likely end each ten second masturbatory session in a puddle of your own vomit instead of cum.

I’m sorry, Britney, but unless you can start selling records on your voice alone [ha.], you may not want to waste all that time trying to get back into shape. The damage has already been done and my penis has the memory of an elephant. Remember this?

Well, my penis does.