I guess when Justin left, he took all the bras. [I Can See Cameron Diaz's Nipples]

If Paris Hilton goes to jail, I hope she gets shanked by Brandy. [Jordan Is Your Homeboy]

Marilyn Manson calls his nineteen-year-old girlfriend “my double, my twin”. Looks like somebody needs a new pair of glasses and a mirror. Oh yeah, and a punch in the face too. [Buzznet]

Britney fires her manager for introducing her to Paris Hilton and for not keeping the mud in her sty at room temperature. Bastard. [The Evil Beet]

Don’t worry, Jenna Jameson. The Allies have just stormed Normandy and should reach your camp by Thursday. Freedom! [The Skinny Website]

Hayden Panettiere likes to walk around in my bathrobe after sex. She’s 18, right? Ah, close enough. [Pop Atlas]

Because country music is the bane of my existence, I often pray that these two bitches kill each other in a fit of jealousy before they sing a duet and my head explodes. [Dlisted]

Star Jones is looking for a new assistant. Candidates must be delicious. [Best Week Ever]

Vanessa Minnillo is moving in with Nick Lachey, making my job as a stalker/arsonist that much easier. [Celebrity Nation]

And finally, Richard Gere molesting an Indian woman on stage. Why? Because it’s Richard Gere and he can do whatever the fuck he wants. Breathless, ah!