Cate Blanchett showed up at the IWC Da Vinci launch party in Geneva earlier tonight, looking as if she was just accosted by my alcoholic mother and a cake decorator full of cigarette tar. In fact, if you politely chloroformed asked Cate to lie down and stuck a few lit matches in her, you’d have a pretty faithful recreation of all my birthday cakes as a child. And when I say “cakes”, what I really mean is my father since he always had this nasty habit of passing out on the kitchen table after a long hard morning of drinking.