An Orange County judge approved the divorce of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown yesterday, awarding custody of their fourteen-year-old daughter to Houston because courts tend to favor the crackhead with the most money.

From People:

Houston, dabbing her eyes with a tissue during the court proceeding, attended Wednesday’s hearing. She declined to comment to reporters afterwards.

An attorney for Brown says he will file a petition to overturn the judge’s decision.

Now I’m no expert on courtrooms – or even what the world is really like outside my parent’s basement – but I’m pretty sure Whitney’s daughter totally freaked when the judge handed over custody to her mother. In fact, according to my over-vodka-ed imagination, I’m absolutely positive the whole thing went down exactly like this:

Little Whitney: “Wait Judge, aren’t you going to ask me who I want to live with?”

Judge: “Sure, ok, who do you want to live with?”

Little Whitney: “You.”

Judge: “I’m sorry, Little Whitney, but I only take in male teenage runaways between the ages of 13 – 15.”

Little Whitney: “Ok then, how about that guy?”

Judge: “The convicted pedophile in handcuffs?”

Little Whitney: “Yeah, he looks like he can maintain his balance long enough to parent.”

Judge: “Fair enough. Welcome to the O.C., bitch.”

[slams gavel]

[cue cool 80’s party song]