Why you should never do the entire eight-ball yourself… [Lindsay Lohan Is A Dancing Fool]

Let me guess – Kelly Osbourne takes her coffee with two lumps of sugar and a pound of butter. [The Skinny Website]

But Justin, if the tabloids go away, so will you. [Celebrity Nation]

Mariah Carey wants to adopt from a Mexican orphanage because there isn’t enough Mexicans in this country already. [Dlisted]

I can only assume [thankfully] that Tara Reid in a bikini is a whole lot sexier than Tara Reid naked. [Jordon Is Your Homeboy]

I don’t know who the hell Jude Law is currently fucking, but as long as it isn’t me, I really don’t care. Ya hear that, Jude. Back off! [The Evil Beet]

Jessica Alba is being a royal pain in the ass on the set of her new movie “The Eye”. In related news, I like to look at her ass. [Celebridiot]

Tabloid Whore is no more. I blame Reaganomics. [Tabloid Whore]

I’d like this whole cartoon doll thing a lot more if it gave me the option to tell Jennifer Lopez to put her own god damn clothes on and get the fuck out. [Cartoon Doll Emporium]

And finally, I always knew Kermit and I had a lot more in common than just enjoying a good fist up the ass.