According to several sources with nothing better to do, Nicole Richie apparently collapsed last Wednesday afternoon while shooting the fifth season of “The Simple Life” in Malibu. This marks the second time in less than a month that she has taken a nosedive on the set and will most likely die if it happens again since third time’s the charm.

From Female First:

“She was taken to her trailer immediately. But she came around, so the crew didn’t call an ambulance. She spent the rest of the day in her trailer and left Paris to complete the day’s filming.”

Nicole, 25, is also said to have had trouble “walking and speaking clearly” while filming the fifth series of her reality show with close friend Paris Hilton.

Series co-creator Jon Murray said: “There were a couple times when Nicole felt a little woozy and she sat down for a moment, but we continued within five to ten minutes.

So when Nicole Richie collapses, I wonder who goes over and picks her up before she chokes on her own vomit. My bet would be either the first guy who throws rock against paper or the first little girl in the neighborhood who jumps at the chance to make a quick shiny nickel. After all, it’s not like you would need two strapping young men like Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman to pick her up and carry her from one hilarious misadventure to another. Manpower like that is usually reserved for fatties like Calista Flockhart or Kelly Ripa. This is Nicole Richie we’re talking about here. You could fart and blow her clear across the room if you’re not careful. Which is probably why she doesn’t party with Paris Hilton anymore. That bitch can get gassy, especially after a long night full of beers and blowjobs.

Editor’s Note: Don’t worry, longtime readers. I haven’t forgotten about the promise I made to both of you back in September.