If I was a man of God (and just so we’re clear, I’m not saying I’m not…that stupid), I’d take one look at Lindsay Lohan here and immediately offer my condolescences on the death of her son Jesus. And then, of course, I would ask her if she was free to spot me at the gym or crack the main safe in the rectory since she’s wearing those cool gloves with the fingers cut off. Not that she would want to do any of that, mind you, since the rest of her outfit seems to scream “I’m much too busy gangbanging and hitting Whitesnake concerts to help you pump iron or retrieve child pornography.”

Editor’s Note: See all that melted snow around her? It was two feet high before she stepped out of the van. That, my friends, is how hot Lindsay Lohan is. Remember that the next time you see a picture of Lindsay and fail to get an erection. It’s not because she’s an ugly freckled mess, but because her hotness is making your penis melt.