Now that Justin Timberlake is no longer playing Batman to her Joker, Cameron Diaz has been out looking for a new man to torture since December. Early on, it looked like pro surfer Kelly Slater could be that man, but since I have not seen any pictures of them together since January, I can only assume that he grew tired of her relentless bitching and his body is now buried somewhere in Honolulu with 89 stab wounds.

But fear not, Cameron Diaz fans (all one of you), because it appears that your idol has found a new man to annoy these days: Jude “Dr. Coke” Law, her co-star from “The Holiday”. As you can see, when Cameron is in love, there is no such thing as boundaries. No such thing as locks on the bathroom door. If she wants to gaze into your ear and give pet names to the moles on your face as you look off uncomfortably into the distance for help, that’s what she’s going to do. Because she’s Cameron Diaz, god damn it. And she’s got a gun pointed right against your ribcage so “just smile and make it look like we’re having a good time, Jude, and we both might just walk out of here alive.”