At first glance, I thought for sure this was a picture of Fergie working out in a prison yard after finally being tried and convicted for impersonating a woman. That was, of course, before I remembered that I’m a complete fucking idiot and that most prisons don’t have readily available getaway cars or sexy personal trainers like Jo from “The Facts of Life”.

Therefore, I am left with but one logical conclusion: Fergie is the king queen ruling transsexual of all attention whores on the west coast. For only a person like that would actually take the time to carry weights outside to lift them and then carry them back as a favor to the paparazzi she likes to whine about in her songs.

Editor’s Note: In case you were wondering, I am presently the king of all attention whores on the east coast since I have over fifty suicide attempts and Regis is on vacation. As for the Midwest, I’m not exactly sure who rules that roost but I’m betting it’s the guy who likes to fuck all the scarecrows at the annual corn festival – Pastor something or other.

Editor’s Note II: Edit Harder: I don’t want to brag, but I thought you should know that I can bench almost twice much as Fergie can. And not just once either, but twice. Sometimes I can even do it without turning red and shitting my pants. Call me, ladies.