While Britney Spears distracted the eyes of the church last week with cries about being the Anti-Christ, her estranged husband – the always-popular K-Fed – managed to slip into Las Vegas virtually unnoticed with their two children for a long-planned paid appearance at the Mirage Hotel & Casino lounge Revolution.

From People:

“Kevin was really low-key,” one source says. “You could definitely tell he was on his best behavior. He was having a good time, but wasn’t the wild, crazy Kevin who used to come to Vegas.”

He arrived on Saturday with Sean Preston, 18 months, and Jayden James, 6 months, plus a nanny, his mother and brother and two bodyguards, sources say.

He had dinner with friends and family at the hotel’s Japonais restaurant, says a source, who adds: “He was late for dinner because he wanted to tuck his kids into bed.”

Now you tell me who sounds more like the Anti-Christ here: the bald woman in rehab who would have admitted to being Teddy fucking Roosevelt if it meant more attention for her fat ass or the scumbag she married 2 ½ years ago who is now out enjoying the highlife in a suspiciously low-key manner.

Yes, exactly. [just so we’re clear, this is my response if you correctly answered “the scumbag she married”. If you didn’t say that and instead said something like “the bald woman in rehab” or “who’s Teddy Roosevelt”, I want you to find a see-through plastic bag, tape it over your head, and play spaceman for an hour. I promise to come and get your body when we’re done here.]

So now that we’re all in agreement about who the real Anti-Christ is, I think we should all meet in my parent’s basement tonight and hammer out a foolproof plan on how to destroy him. Hopefully, it won’t take very long since I’ve already begun to construct a plan using my GI Joe figures and Malibu Barbie whorehouse playhouse. As it stands right now, I think we’re only going to need three brave souls to make it work: one to hold the bar of soap, another to recite three syllable words such as “loyalty” and “consequence” to confuse him, and the last to kick him in the balls repeatedly as he cries like a little girl.

Sorry, but I’m currently looking at Pele for that last one. You can do the soap though.