As someone who is both devastatingly fat and horribly disfigured, it’s sometimes hard for me to pull my ugly ass out of bed every morning since I’m in absolutely no hurry to embark on another day of being single and unwanted. Please don’t cry. Save your tears for the end.

Sometimes though, I’m lucky enough to find a little something here on the internet that it so entertaining, it actually makes me glad that I didn’t succeed in drowning my fat ass in the bathtub the night before.

Case in point, this picture I found today of Sharon Stone about to throw a tantrum of maddening proportions on the streets of LA. Isn’t it just wonderfully amusing? Like she’s about two seconds away from plunging her witch-like hand into your chest and ripping your heart out. Your cheatin’ heart, if you will - or at least that’s the game I’ve been playing all day.

If you’re interested, I can teach you how to play too. It’s really quite simple. All you have to do is stare at this picture and pretend that Sharon Stone is your wife. Then start saying stuff like:

“I’m sorry, but it just happened. Maybe you should have been there for me like your sister was.”

“It doesn’t make you look fat as much as it makes you look old.”

“I’m leaving you for Shelley Long.”

Believe me, after about twenty minutes, you’ll be absolutely convinced that Sharon Stone is about to kill you. And really, isn’t that a much better death to imagine than the more likely one of you dying on the toilet alone? I know I like to think so.

Editor’s Note: In case anyone was wondering, there are no actual winners in this game, only losers.