Given Paula Abdul’s love for the drink, I’m sure this isn’t the first time she’s had her face licked by a dog. It may be, however, the first time it’s happened without her lying face down on the middle of her front lawn. All of which leads me to believe that this is a huge step towards sobriety for the once-lovable, now slurable former pop star and that she might just shower from now on instead of simply telling everyone she did because the sprinklers kicked on.

Editor’s Note: Now that I have finished writing the painfully unfunny paragraph above, I am reminded of that scene from John Hughes’ “Sixteen Candles”. I think you know the one.

If you found this scene particularly hilarious, I urge you to watch it again and again until it’s burned into your memory. This way, when China takes over the world in twenty years and bans the film for making fun of “chinamen”, you can recreate the scene in your head and amuse yourself as you assemble dolls for all of those spoiled little rich girls in China. Believe me, it’ll make those sixteen hour work days go by a lot quicker.