At first, I thought this was a picture of Kathleen Turner, not Kristen Johnston from “Third Rock from the Sun”. But then I thought, hey, wait a minute, if that’s Kathleen Turner then why the hell isn’t she holding a bottle of vodka and a porkchop. [Dlisted]

Playboy airbrushes the weight equivalent of a third grader from Mariah Carey’s sexy [ha, ha, just kidding] body. [The Skinny Website]

Fergie is smashing, or she looks as if someone just smashed her in the face. You decide. [Pop Atlas]

Jessica Simpson avoids talking about her private life by talking about her private life. Hey Jessica, I think we can all agree that the best way to not talk about your private life is to not talk about your private life. This can usually be accomplished by taping a Walmart bag over your head when no one’s around. Try it. [The Evil Beet]

Justin Timberlake was apparently high during that episode of “Punk’d” in which he cried. Yeah, too bad that still doesn’t explain why he broke down and cried like a little girl instead of like a high spoiled pop star. [Jesus Hearts Music]

Sticking with Irish tradition, Patrick Dempsey names his twin boys Drunk and Drunker. [Celebrity Baby Names]

Britney Spears is positively mannish. [Hollywood Snark]

Pics of Jennifer Aniston’s new nose. As you can see, Brad Pitt is still nowhere to be found. Look for a chin overhaul to follow. [Tabloid Whore]

Maggie Gyllenhaal is slated to host the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences’ Scientific and Technical Awards this…zzzzzzzzzzzz [Starpulse]

And finally, further proof that Paris Hilton is a racist cunt. It’s only fitting that the same medium that made her famous, be the same medium that destoys her. Behold, the power of home video.