I may be an asshole, but at least I’m not selling these Britney Shears dolls on eBay. No, instead I like to sell my bald-headed dolls under the name of “Cancer Carrie”. I’m sensitive like that. [eBay]

Bobby Brown has been arrested again. Probably for being too sexy. [That Grape Juice]

Well, it looks like Naomi Watts is pregnant and not just fat like Tori Spelling. What a relief. [The Evil Beet]

Jessica Biel’s ass taunts me once again. [Jordan Is Your Homeboy]

Britney Spears claims a full wing in rehab for herself and then cries when she finds out it’s not made of chicken. [Celebridiot]

If I have to wear pants in public, then it’s only fair that the Olsen twins should have to do the same. [Dlisted]

Katherine Heigl may be leaving “Grey’s Anatomy” over a salary dispute. Apparently, she believes she can make more off unemployment. [Faded Youth]

Remember Winnie Cooper? I know I do, but that’s only because I spent the better part of my youth wishing she would just die already. Seriously. She’s like the 80’s version of Lana Lang, only instead of lisping when she whined, she sounded like she was deaf in one ear. Oh, the memories. [The Skinny Website]

Instead of wasting both your time and my time mine on useless words, I’ve decided to express my opinion on Jennifer Hudson’s fashion choice with the following video:

Editor’s Note: Thank you. And, as always, you can send your hate-filled prose wishing me bodily harm to erichvonstroheim@theblogyoulovetohate.com

Now this is embarrassing. It appears that actress Cate Blanchett got her Oscar invite mixed up with her invitation to fight in the Crusades again. I sure hope she doesn’t go around mistaking all the black people for Muslims tonight or we might just end up with a whole lot of heads rolling on down the red carpet later. And I think you all know what that means. Yep, that’s right. No “Norbit 2”.

Since 8:30 pm, I have been watching this picture of Jessica Biel instead of the Academy Awards. I have no regrets.

Special Note To Jessica Biel’s Nipple: Slip, damn you, slip!

I find it amazing that Beyonce can successfully fit her fat legs into a gown that small. It must be made up of the same material used by Chevy in their construction of clown cars. Not that any of this is important since I’m sure your eyes immediately fixated on that thing she’s wearing across her chest.

No, I don’t know what it is or what it’s made of, but I am hoping it will somehow attract a rabid gang of monkeys intent on ripping her apart for being an overly pretentious bitch. Because it that happens, then maybe, just maybe, Jennifer Hudson will make it home with her Oscar instead of being mugged for it in the parking lot by a mysterious black woman with a fat ass.

Editor’s Note: If you just said, “Oprah”, then you really need to pay attention better.