There are so many things going on in this picture right now, I think my head is going to explode. It’s like a shot from a Fellini film if Fellini was still alive and desperate enough to work with Pamela Anderson. The only thing missing here is an exceptionally ugly clown in the background, but I guess Cameron Diaz had more important things to do that day.

I honestly don’t even know where to begin here. The obvious choice, I guess, would be the fat woman hugging Pam’s leg like it was the world’s last piece of chicken. The position of her tongue alone tells you that she’s either really hungry or really horny. It really doesn’t matter which since she’s going to walk away with Hepatitis C regardless.

As for the news crew in the background, I guess you can say they were there to interview the back of Pam’s head since it has a lot less wrinkles than the front of her face. How else are you going to convince the world that Pamela Anderson is still a sex symbol and not just some coked-up hollowed-out old soccer mom who likes to take her “medicine” from a wine glass.

Speaking of glasses, how much do you want to bet that her champagne glass is filled with Miller instead of Cristal? You know, so she can achieve that High Life they’re always talking about. Hey, don’t laugh. It’s obviously working. She is partying at the Playboy Mansion after all. Which, according to scientists, is about seventy-five percent more classy now that James Caan is no longer living there.

And finally, it’s nice to see Pam straddling something a lot less mushy than Kid Rock here. Having sex with that guy must have been like fucking a bowl of oatmeal and cigarette butts, only without the nutritious value.