After spending more and more time on the bench with each passing year, soccer football star David Beckham has decided to leave the Real Madrid to play for the Los Angeles Galaxy next season in a deal said to be worth “several hundred million dollars over five years”.

From People:

“After discussing several options with my family and my business advisers I have decided to join (the) L.A. Galaxy and play in the MLS (Major League Soccer) from August,” Beckham said in a statement released on his behalf.

“They both love Los Angeles. It will be good for their careers, they adore the lifestyle, the weather and it would be brilliant for their boys,” a family friend tells PEOPLE.

The Beckham brand is huge across Europe, Asia and Africa and the couple has already laid the foundations for the American move. He has opened a soccer academy (www.thedavidbeckhamacademy.com) in California and registration for would-be members is due to open shortly, while 32-year-old Victoria continues to delve into the fashion world and recently directed a photo shoot in L.A. for close pal Katie Holmes.

I think it’s safe to assume that if the Beckhams move to Los Angeles on, say, June 1st, I’ll be posting candid shots of Posh’s vagina on June 2nd. That, my friends, is usually how long it takes for Paris Hilton to get her hooks into you. Just one night. A night filled with a little booze, a little coke, and a whole lot of whispers in your ear about how important you are.

And then, before you know it, she has you convinced that by flashing your vagina to the adoring public, you might just bring an end to world hunger or, if it looks like a slab of roast beef, just make everyone hungrier. It really doesn’t matter which as long as you can say that it was your vagina that changed the world and not some fat white guy in hat like Winston Churchill.

Editor’s Note: Given Posh’s already inflated sense of self-importance, look for her obligatory vagina shot to include some tiny flags of both the US and UK intertwined as one along with a few sparklers. Oh yeah, and some chips too. You know, because she’s British.