According to legal documents obtained by People, Britney Spears and Kevin Ferderline have finally reached a custody agreement concerning their two sons…for the month of January.

From People:

Spears, 25, will have custody of Sean Preston, 1, and Jayden James, 4 months, most of the time, but Federline, 28, will be allowed to see the boys three times a week for four hours between Jan. 12 and 31 at Spears’s residence.

Both parties agreed that the only people allowed at the visitation will be Spears, Federline, a nanny, Spears’s personal assistant and household staff.

Meanwhile, Spears is permitted to take the children to Miami from Jan. 5 to 11. She has agreed to keep Federline apprised of her location while in the city.

The arrangement only applies for the month of January, as TMZ.com reported Friday.

Spears filed for divorce on Nov. 7, seeking sole custody of the children; in documents filed the next day, Federline also asked for sole custody.

Because I like to help out those that may not be as brilliantly gifted as I, I went ahead and calculated the exact number of hours K-Fed will spend during his visitations at Britney’s plantation house this month. The total I came up with was thirty-six. A staggering number to be sure, but one I believe to be correct as I spent nearly five hours going over my equations on that enormous piece of glass* I keep in my study.

Now you may be thinking, “So what? 36 hours. Big deal. Find something better to do with your time, jerk-off.” But what you are obviously failing to understand is that with 36 hours to play with, K-Fed has well over two thousand chances to impregnate poor Britney once again. And is that something we really want? A third accomplice in convenience store robbery twenty years from now. I didn’t think so.

So, in the end, I ask you to write your congressman and/or senator and ask him or her to proclaim January 11 – the day before his visitations start – as “National K-Fed Castration Day”. By doing this, we can help save a planet and finally put to good use that big pair of scissors used in ribbon cutting ceremonies across the nation. And maybe, just maybe, if were lucky, we can get the President to do it for us. Because, you know, I think he’d like that.

*Ok, so it’s really not that enormous since it’s just my shower door, but I did use to have one as big as the ones you see in the movies. Unfortunatley though, I broke it last month re-enacting that jailhouse scene from “Cry-Baby” with some hookers and my replacement piece was somehow lost during shipment. I guess it slipped off a truck or something and cut the head off a nosy photographer. I really don’t know the specifics.