During her trip through Australia to annoy them for a while, perennial eyesore Paris Hilton has been reportedly dining-and-dashing at a number of establishments there because she’s a greedy whore begging to be punched in the face repeatedly.

From Page Six:

The hotel heiress pulled a brazen dine-and-dash yesterday after nibbling on a hamburger in Australia, according to The Sydney Morning Herald. Hilton also had a mineral water and frappe at Sloanes Café before she took off without paying $8. “She’s got bucket loads of money and she didn’t pay for her drinks,” disgusted waitress Jo Pfahl said. While she couldn’t be bothered to pay for lunch, Paris that same afternoon spent $2,200 at nearby Arianne Lingerie for stockings, jewelry, a camisole and bra. Paris has assets of about $30 million, while the Hilton-family empire has been valued at $1 billion, according to some estimates.

Personally, I don’t know who to direct the brunt of my disgust at first – Paris Hilton for essentially lining her digestive tract with stolen goods or Australia for letting her get away with it. It’s almost as if there’s some kind of conspiracy at play here. Like the Australian government – or do they call it the “parliament” like those sissies over there in England do – made a deal with the Americans to house Paris for a while in exchange for fire and detailed instructions on how to build the wheel.

Yeah, I know. That still doesn’t explain why she hasn’t been fined, jailed, booted, hanged, or forced to mate with Paul Hogan over these crimes of hers, but to write anymore about Paris Hilton is only going to make me more tired and vomity so you’re just going to have to use your own imagination and beer from here on out.

Editor’s Note: Well, it appears I was wrong again. The Australians did finally punish Paris for those crimes. As you can see from the photos below, they made her take a shower. A PUBLIC shower – you know, to serve as an example for other skanky Americans like…oh, I think you know who. It’s just a shame they didn’t make her use soap too, but I guess in Paris’ case, that would constitute cruel and unusual punishment. And really, why would Australia want to go through all that trouble of importing a bar of soap just for one person?