Now you would think…WOULD THINK…that Britney Spears would’ve had the sense to at least put on some kind of underwear for last night’s festivities given that both her nasty vagina and wonderfully bold C-section scar were plastered all over the internet yesterday. You would think that, now wouldn’t you? I know I would.

The problem though is that while you and I may actually have the ability to recognize our own mistakes – and then take measures to curb our own stupidity before making them again – Britney apparently does not and will always play by the stove no matter how many times that boiling pot of spaghetti dumps on her.

So with that being said, I’d like to officially declare Britney Spears both an enemy of the state and a menace to society. By doing this, I hope to raise awareness over the dangers of her constant vagina flashing and help keep our children safe. It is, after all, the children we should be most worried about the next time she exits a car with no panties on – especially the two-year-olds who share the same height with that of the average backseat.

Have you thought about what might happen if a two-year-old actually caught a glimpse of that vagina being flashed before them? I have and it makes me weep every time. Uncontrollably and like a girl too.

As many of you may remember, being two is a tricky time. You’re beginning to acclimate yourself to life outside the womb, but still can’t help but long for those easy days of floating around in warm, delicious embryonic fluid. For a toddler with little will power and Garrison Keillor-like reminiscing, seeing a vagina flashed before him could be the breaking point and he could try to dive back in.

Now I’m no doctor, but I’d say that if some random two-year-old tried to claw his way into Britney Spears, he’d get no more than maybe his head in before losing consciousness and suffocating to death. Hell, even the spryest tot wouldn’t be able to manage too deep before strangling himself on the bracelet Paris Hilton lost from last night’s fisting.

So there you have it. No matter which way you cut it, the vagina of Britney Spears means death for children. Just like airbags and Rebecca Gayheart.

You’ve been warned.