You’re probably thinking the same exact thing as me right now. Namely, what the hell goes through Lindsay Lohan’s head when it’s time to get dressed in the morning. Does she wake up and go, “Hmmm, I’m feeling kind of slutty and retarded today so I think I’ll dress like a slutty retard or maybe a retarded slut. Either or, as long as I get to wear this belt with no bra today.” Or does she just rush through her house, throwing on random articles of clothing left over from the orgy the night before? You know, I think I’m going to have to go with the latter since I inadvertently flashed five people on my way to work today and walked away with four phone numbers. Apparently, the fifth person just didn’t like big things.

Editor’s Note: Because I am a man who must understand, I have compiled a list of reasons why Lindsay Lohan might be wearing her belt like this.

1. She’s a pirate.

2. She’s a weightlifter.

3. She’s a rock climber.

4. She’s a fearless fashionista.

5. She’s the new Adam Ant.

6. She desperately wants an hourglass figure like her idol Marilyn Monroe and is trying to create an illusion.

7. She’s trying to convince Joss Whedon to cast her as the new Wonder Woman.

8. She confused her belt with her bra because they both start with the letter “B”.

9. It’s not just any belt, but a utility belt for party girls that comes equipped with cigarettes, pot, coke, condoms, lipstick, eye drops, and Mickey Rourke’s last known address.

10. She’s a fucking idiot.